In a shocking revelation, Tiger Woods today admitted that he does indeed enjoy having sex with ridiculously hot women.
“I know this will come as a surprise to some,” he said in a prepared statement, “but I have over a billion dollars to my name, I’m one of the best athletes ever to play my sport, and I’ve even got a pretty tight bod. All of this means that really, I mean like REALLY fucking hot chicks, try to bone me pretty much every second of every day.
“And I have to admit that when I have sex with them, I do indeed feel it, and it does indeed feel good. I’d like to apologize to my family for having hormones, and to the numerous hot chicks I’ve banged for giving you a reason to become famous and never have to work again in your lives. I — I don’t know what I was thinking.
“Oh, wait, that’s right. I was thinking that having multiple hot chicks perform any sexual favor I asked was pretty fucking sweet.”