A recent report links Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz to a positive steroid test in 2003, just a year before the Red Sox won the World Series.
In response to the report, most of the city of Boston has reacted with a unanimous, “fuck you.”
“We won the fucking World Series, bitches. I could give a fuck about how we got it. Fuck yeah!” Mildred Patterson, an 87-year-old retired school teacher said.
Sentiments were similar across all of Red Sox nation, with one self-proclaimed “Official Red Sox Bar” in Duluth, MN, placing a sign in the window saying, “no whiny bitch ass reporters allowed.”
In a related story, Manny Ramirez remembered he does indeed have remnants of testicles.