N.B.A. Warns of Rising Billups Pandemic

N.B.A. officials held a press conference this afternoon, warning that the chances of rising numbers in the ongoing Chauncey Billups pandemic are likely to continue tonight in Game 4 of the Western Conference playoff series.

“While we don’t have all the stats yet, initial indications show that this may indeed be the next Billups pandemic, which as we all know was inevitable,” David Stern said in a press conference held earlier today.

Billups has put up such frightening numbers as a 73% average for 3-point field goals.

“We have dispatched a team of broadcasters, analysts, and half-time dancers to investigate this very serious outbreak of scoring. Chris Paul has assured us that he will do everything in his power to stop the Billups pandemic before it spreads to Games 4 or 5, but we fear at this point there is no possibility for containment.”

Stern said the one thing they are sure of is that there is absolutely a zero percent chance of an Anthony Carter epidemic.