USC Hires Lane Kiffin as Part of its “Commitment to Failure”

USC has wasted no time in finding a replacement for departing head coach, Pete Carroll. USC football seems to be ready to welcome in a new era with Kiffin’s hire, an era which represents a slight shift in philosophy for the prestigious program.

“We are pleased to welcome a new coach, along with a new philosophy. Lane Kiffin has shown over the last few years that he can take a team to mediocrity and beyond. We look forward to the several losing and/or barely over .500 seasons ahead.” Said a spokesman.