LONDON — The 2012 London Olympic Games were full of excitement, intense competition, and world-record-breaking performances. Behind it all there was a communal sense of honest and fair competition amongst the athletes of the Games. Many call this intangible Olympic quality the Olympic Spirit.

But Sporting Hipster has learned, in an exclusive report, that a drug test taken by the Olympic Spirit shortly after the Games has returned a positive result for steroids, amphetamines, marijuana, green tea, elf blood, dog dick, human growth hormones, and corn dogs.

“This is a complete travesty,” said the head of the IOC in an annoying French accent. “Le poop!”

The Olympic Spirit has been stripped of all of its moments of Olympic glory, essentially nullifying anything you enjoyed.