The NDFL (National Dog Football League) is scrambling today to repair its damaged reputation following last night’s Puppy Bowl.
In what looked to be a great matchup between the New England Pomeranians and the New York German Shepherds, fans across the country were buzzing with excitement. Unfortunately, the game quickly lost all form or structure, and resorted to rampant butt and ball licking, biting, and one of the poorest displays of sporstmanship ever witnessed on dog sports’ biggest stage.
“The refs had absolutely no control,” Gill Summers of ESPN (Entertainment Sports Pet Network) noted. “From the outset of the first quarter, there wasn’t a single actual play made. It was like watching a bunch of animals with raging boners chasing each other around. Which, of course, actually happened.”
Fans were equally displeased. Mary Smith, who owns three Labradors and has been a NDFL fan for over 50 years, paid nearly $8,000 for her Puppy Bowl ticket.
“I was ripped off,” she told Sporting Hipster following the game. “One of them was literally eating their own shit.”
The game was finally called off when New England Pomeranian quarterback, Terrier Beef O’Brady, peed on the head of an opposing player.
“It’s really a shame,” Mary continued. “This could have been the pinnacle of puppy sports. Instead, it was nothing but a mockery.”