Morning Hip Check 3/16

The Tournament is Set: If you haven’t started acting like you’re sick at work by now, welcome to the big leagues amateur. You should have already visited the doctor at least 3 times. Of course, there’s always the “emergency” method. “Boss, I just found out I have a 3rd ball, I have to get to the hospital. Only for about the next four days though. Then I’ll be back for one day. Then gone two more days the next week. Let’s see, and sometime in April I’m pretty sure this extra testicle will be bothering me again….Hey you can’t fire me, I quit!”

Trust me, this is almost always how these conversations go. Just stream it, despite what the IT dude says.

Cutler Puts All His Houses Up For Sale, Sheffler Wants In

Pat Bowlen finally aired his surprisingly large balls yesterday, and said that he was disgusted and wanted to shoot his own crotch right off. All right, he simply said he was disappointed, but the man has shown that he does know what he’s doing. He supports new coach McDaniels, and I’m beginning to feel the same way.

Yes, all pro players are sniveling snots, but at some point you need to put it behind you and get ready to win. McDaniels clearly knows what he’s doing on offense, and if you’re going to throw away that opportunity over something that happens to every player in the NFL, then you deserve to get traded to the winless Lions. At least you can buy a nicer, even bigger mansion.

CBS 4 Denver, (that perennial source of hard-hitting journalism) is reporting that Tony Sheffler, along with Cutler, is skipping the “mandatory” preseason workouts that begin this week. That’ll show em! You managed to have an impact in two games before your tow – your freaking toe – made you miss a lot of playing time.

Cutler Asks for A Trade: The big news this morning, apparently Jay “Bout to Go Paula Abdul on Your Ass” Cutler demanded a trade. Like I said earlier, at this point, f*ck it, you want to go to a crap team, go to a crap team. We’ll take the draft picks from Detroit, and you can take you diva attitude there. Cutler is not only exposing himself as a detriment to any team that doesn’t pamper him as if he’s Jesus, he’s plummeting his value. I hope he makes money on the houses he’s selling, because he’s not going to be getting paid nearly as much for the next few years.

Denver Beat the Clippers: I’m sure George Karl is ecstatic about this one. Back at the top of the division, but A LOT of jockeying to be had.

Cavs Have a Shot Out of the East: They are good, maybe too good for the Celts if they’re not at 100%.

Phil Mickelson Wins: I hate golf, why did I even bring that up?

Manny Might Be Injured: Well shy’aa, he’s freaking old as crap, dude.

Wrap Up: Getting sick of Cutler. Trying not to think about the tournament so I don’t get too excited. Bitches!!