Lance Armstrong Rides 100 Miles on TDF Rest Day, “Because Pain Never Rests”

While most riders rested comfortably in hotels receiving full body massages, Lance Armstrong was riding 100 miles up a category 1 climb, “just to make sure the pain’s still there.”

“My coaches all insisted I rest, give my legs a little break. But then I remembered, I’m Lance fucking Armstrong. So I stabbed myself about 40 times in the neck, broke both my ankles, and headed out for a ride.”

Pain has yet to be reached for comment, but is expected to wimper in fear at the mention of Armstrong.