JOAQUIN PHOENIX FAILS AT RAPPING

It appears that Joaqin Phoenix, the actor that last year caused a stir in Hollywood following several bizarre public appearances in his much publicized bid to quit acting and become a rapper, has completely failed.

The actor states, “I’m such a fucking failure. Rapping is fucking hard as shit, bro. For real. But fuck, what a failure I am.”

The rap world is not surprised. P. Diddy Combs Puff the third states, “Rap is an allegorical, cultural representation of sociological values that are much more complex in nature than the common philistine would imagine. Franz Fanon said it best when he said, ‘Dem hos be all ho-ish an’ shit.'”

Pheonix’s beard, meanwhile, has picked up an agent and is currently looking for solo work.