In Tribute to Michael Jackson, Athletes Perform Unison Crotch Grab

As the nation continues to mourn the passing of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, athletes around the country paid a special tribute last night with a country wide crotch grab at approximatley 8:23 p.m. EST.

“It’s been a tough week, and I think we just all felt like we needed to do something to express our pain,” Jim Thome said after his game last night. “And the most appropriate thing I could think of was to grab my dick and just let all the emotions run free.”

“Sure, a little grab is a nice tribute,” pitcher Randy “Long” Johnson said, “but I personally kept my hand their for just a little bit longer, and threw in a couple jostles for good measure.”

Similar tributes are being performed across the country, mostly by 13 year old boys in their bedrooms.