Goodell: Next Year’s Draft Will Be Non-linear

On the eve of the first NFL draft to ever segment rounds to occur on different days, Roger Goodell is promising even bigger shakeups for next year.

“We started thinking, ‘how can we possibly top the big changes we enacted for this year’s draft?’ Then it hit us. Not only will the rounds take place on different days — they’ll be out of order! The 6th round will be on a Tuesday, the 1st round the following Sunday. We’re also considering not telling any of the teams which round is which day, and also eliminating the clock and draft order tradition, and merely have all the draft prospects stand in one giant room and allow team representatives to “tag” the players they want with paintball guns.”

Reaction from around the league has been mixed. Most teams say it’s “one of the worst ideas in the history of all the universe,” while one 12 year-old kid on the sidewalk said it sounds, “bitchin’.”