FLoyd Landis Accuses Barak Obama, Pisslbury Doughboy, Your Mom of PED Use

Floyd Landis, disgraced cyclist that was stripped of his Tour de France title, has admitted to using performance enhancing drugs. This follows vehement denials from the Landis camp.

But the most suprising aspect of Landis’ confession was the many people he claimed have also used PEDs.

Among the people Landis claims have used PEDs:

-Barak Obama: “There’s no way that dude can smoke and still be president without that shit”

-Briam Williams: “That dude anchors the news like a motherfucker. You didn’t notice he started enunciating better in 2005?”

-The band Phish: “Trey Anastacio has performed guitar solos for several days straight. You can’t tell me he’s not using.”

-Neil Young: “Dude’s old as fuck, needs that shit just to live.”

-Various family members of anyone in the world: “This dude’s grandma, your sister, my friend Billy’s niece — they all fucking do it man!”