Michael Vick just one win away from full media pardon

Michal Vick left Sunday’s game with a huge smile on his face.


Was it the win?   Perhaps.   Was it the fact that he has led his team to become possibly the best in the NFC?  Maybe.


Or maybe it’s the news he received — just one more win before a full media pardon regarding his dog fighting conviction.


“I always knew I could work my way back, get enough wins to change my image, but I just can’t believe it’s finally here,” Vick said in a postgame conference.


“We’re excited as an organization,”  said coach Andy Reid.   “It’s time to put this nonsense behind us, and finally shutup those nutso animal rights people.”


Vick needs just one more win to get a full media pardon, much like Kobe Bryant earned in the NBA.  


“Do I think it’s a great idea to arbitrarily set a number of wins that gets an athlete ‘forgiven’ by media even though they are actually disgusting excuses for human beings?   I do, I think it’s really awesome,” said NBA commissioner David Stern.  “Our athletes have to go through a lot, it’s nice when they can get a break from being reminded of how they raped someone or murdered and tortured innocent animals that literally had their faces torn off and were then executed even more.


“Because, clearly, winning some games is much more important than allowing living beings to have a decent life.”


BREAKING: College football player wants to make money based on his skill and hard work


SOMEWHERE, US —  Sporting Hipster has learned exclusively than a college football player at a prominent football school that makes tens of millions of dollars directly based on his talent and ability to win games, has interest in making money in the NFL.


The bombshell came when a reporter at a journalistic publication found out agents were interested in hiring the player based on his skill, work ethic, talent, and potential ability to make teams in the NFL better.


“It’s just sickening,” said somebody at a college somewhere, “to think that a student would be thinking about his career while still in school.  He should be focusing on enjoying his one brief window of recognition before he breaks his knee and has to move back to the projects.  What a greedy, filthy, scumbag.”


Shockingly, many experts believe this is not the first college player to want to get paid for working towards something his entire life.


“These athletes, they think just because they escaped a violence ridden neighborhood after being raised by a single mother who sacrificed everything she had to ensure her child could play the game he loves and set their sights on the singular goal of creating a comfortable life for their family from the age of 10 means that they should be allowed to get money while still in college.   News flash, asshole: the college needs every dime of that multi-million advertising deal to deflect all the sexual harassment lawsuits.  So selfish, these athletes,” commented a broadcaster at a prominent sports media outlet.


The athlete was unavailable for comment, but tweeted something at some point.