Barak Obama and Arnold Schwarzenegger held an unprecedented press conference via live sattelite to their secret underground submarine, as it raced towards the Caribbean.

"People of the world," Obama said sternly, "we come to you from deep in the sea, on a very high priority mission. As you know, a great evil has fallen upon the people of Haiti. Well, we're not gonna stand for it," he quipped as the camera panned out to reveal republican Schwarzenegger tying a bandana around his head.

"That's right, my once rival," Arnold chimed in. "This superquake has screwed with the wrong dudes. Earthquake, look in my eyes: I'm coming for YOU." He said as he slid a thumb across his throat.

"We commin' to fuck you up!" Obama screamed, locking his 9mm glock.

No word yet from the Earthquake, but most experts expect it to shit itself and commit suicide before suffering the wrath of Shwarzobama.